CategoryGender

Gender transition: the most dystopian project I’ve ever managed

G

At the beginning of 2019, I came out publicly as agender and took on my gender transition in earnest. I’d known I was agender for a while before that. I’ve been conscious of my lack of gender since I was four years old. I just didn’t have the words for it, and figured that since gender was so important to everyone else, I must just have some loose gender wires that I needed to figure out how to...

How to use they/them pronouns (and why they matter)

H

Personal pronouns are the parts of speech we use when we talk about someone in third person. Like in the sentence below: She‘s going camping with John, even though he’s bringing his brother with him. Personal pronouns aren’t a thing most people think much about, because they usually present no problems. But for a lot of gender-nonconforming people, we think about them a lot, because people...

What does it mean to be agender?

W

Agender: of, relating to, or being a person who has an internal sense of being neither male nor female nor some combination of male and female : of, relating to, or being a person whose gender identity is genderless or neutral Merriam Webster I’m no gender expert. In fact, I don’t even have a gender. You’d be better off calling me a “no-gender” expert. Expert? Still not accurate. That...

I got top surgery

I

You saw the title: I got top surgery. You may know it more formally as a double mastectomy; less formally as the teet yeet.* Getting this surgery was an accomplishment that tested me as a person more than any skill or achievement I’ve ever bragged about on a resumé (and I have a pretty sweet resumé). If I’m supposed to be proud of something as dumb as my typing speed, I can be proud of this. I...

All this gender is wearing me out

A

I really don’t get the deal where society smears gender all over everything all the time. Yesterday I got “ma’am”ed, I got “gentlemen”ed, I got “sir”ed, and I got “she”-ed and “her”-ed more times than I can count. It’s not like I was doing anything related to gender when any of it happened. It wasn’t really more gender-flinging than usual. But I’m more tired than usual. No matter how...

The Bible on being trans & misuse of power

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Since I came out as agender, I haven’t talked much about my faith. It’s not because I’m ashamed that I’m going against my beliefs, which some assume. I am living in deep alignment with my beliefs. It’s because, in most contexts in which faith has come up, it’s essentially people demanding that I defend my existence (“lifestyle choices” as they might put it) against their impenetrable...

Quick reads for trans allies

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I’ve written a lot of articles on this site for transgender allies—from a lexicon of transgender terms to a coming out letter to an explanation of why I pretended to be a woman. But there are brilliant trans writers elsewhere who have powerful stories and perspectives. Many of them have already written about concepts I haven’t gotten around to writing about—and cover important topics...

Is it a phase? Or is it the real you?

I

It wasn’t until age 30 that I finally came out asagender.  It’s not that I didn’t realize I had no sense of gender before. I was painfully aware for just about every waking second. But I kept it to myself. Partially, because I’d been taught it was just a phase. So I kept holding out. I was trapped in this limbo—pretending to be a woman, and waiting for the moment where I finally felt like one...

“Are you a girl?” A story about labels

&

A lot of people tell me that it’s confusing for kids to learn about different labels for gender outside of just “boy” and “girl.” But I strongly disagree.  As a former nonbinary kid who only knew of the labels “boy” and “girl,” the limitation was what was confused me. If I had known about the label “agender,” I wouldn’t have been confused at all. I would have immediately recognized that it...

The art of retroactively raising yourself

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There’s this trope in movies and shows where psychologists tell their clients to connect with their inner child. Often it’s presented as parody—almost playing off the concept of therapy as wishy-washy new-age BS. I’m in favor of a healthy dose of skepticism, and I do think people often hide mountains of bullsh*t behind aphorisms designed to make them sound profound. I used to think of the “inner...

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