CategoryGender

Quick reads for trans allies

Q

I’ve written a lot of articles on this site for transgender allies—from a lexicon of transgender terms to a coming out letter to an explanation of why I pretended to be a woman. But there are brilliant trans writers elsewhere who have powerful stories and perspectives. Many of them have already written about concepts I haven’t gotten around to writing about—and cover important topics...

Is it a phase? Or is it the real you?

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It wasn’t until age 30 that I finally came out as agender.  It’s not that I didn’t realize I had no sense of gender before. I was painfully aware for just about every waking second. But I kept it to myself. Partially, because I’d been taught it was just a phase. So I kept holding out. I was trapped in this limbo—pretending to be a woman, and waiting for the moment where I finally felt like one. ...

“Are you a girl?” A story about labels

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A lot of people tell me that it’s confusing for kids to learn about different labels for gender outside of just “boy” and “girl.” But I strongly disagree.  As a former nonbinary kid who only knew of the labels “boy” and “girl,” the limitation was what was confused me. If I had known about the label “agender,” I wouldn’t have been confused at all. I would have immediately recognized that it...

The “support” that hurts worse than hate

T

I came out publicly as agender almost two months ago. It’s been an intense experience interacting with so many people with so many opinions over something so personal. But it’s growing me into a stronger and more compassionate person, so I don’t regret it. Through this process, I’m not just learning about myself, but about the human condition. The latest lesson I’m...

The art of retroactively raising yourself

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There’s this trope in movies and shows where psychologists tell their clients to connect with their inner child. Often it’s presented as parody—almost playing off the concept of therapy as wishy-washy new-age BS. I’m in favor of a healthy dose of skepticism, and I do think people often hide mountains of bullsh*t behind aphorisms designed to make them sound profound. I used to think of the “inner...

7 reasons I pretended to be a woman

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I spent the greater part of the first three decades of my life passing myself off as a woman. I was an imposter the whole time. And the whole time, it made me miserable. (If this is the first article of mine you’re reading, I’m agender.) So why did I do it? Here are seven big reasons. 1. I thought it was my only choice In childhood, I learned that people were going to lump me in with...

What’s it like to go through a gender transition?

W

For my entire conscious life, I’ve been trying to figure out how to engage with people and society in a way that actually felt real. About two or three years ago, I finally recognized that the disconnect and discomfort I’d always felt was gender dysphoria. So I began a gender transition. (I’m agender.) I’m not going to explain in this post what a gender transition entails. That’s a big can of...

I already know my gender is inconvenient

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In my very short time being out as nonbinary, I’ve had a lot of wonderful conversations with wonderful folks. People have asked me questions about faith, about background, about philosophies of life. People have come out to me. People have shared amazing stories. It’s been a time. A thing that has stayed pretty constant so far is my commitment to making the subject as approachable as I have...

Keep your questions inside the church

K

I woke up this morning with the following memory in my head. I was 21 years old. And I’d posted a question to Facebook: What do you think: should women be allowed to teach men? Or should they just be allowed to teach kids and other women? I posted it because it was taught in my church that women were under the authority of men. This meant (among other things) that women couldn’t teach men or...

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