About a week from now is the one-year anniversary of this site. Happy birthday, site. I didn’t bake you a cake. Maybe I should. You’ve been through a lot this first year of your life.
In the past year, this site has been visited by ~18,000 people. 18,000 people reading about extremely personal aspects of my being. I can’t figure out how I feel about that, but whatever I feel, it’s weird.
In the last year, I wrote 46 articles for this site. (Technically, 70 articles, but I decided not to publish or took down 24 of them.) Just in my spare time.
I’ve described the purpose of this website with all kinds of high-minded ideals, from changing society to saving lives. But really, the thing driving me to put so much energy into philosophizing about gender has been a lot more personal.
I wanted to help the people I love understand who I really am, so that we could all leave the person they thought I was behind. That thing was making my life impossible, and hardly anybody knew it. It was up to me to do something to stop it from getting dragged into my life all the time. I didn’t want to have to cut everyone off so I could move on. I wanted to give them a chance to move on with me.
So I did something.
I did a whole lot of something. To be honest, I’m tired from all the something I’ve been doing. And there’s still a lot of something left to do. What that something is, I’ll just have to keep figuring out.
But what I have done has started to pay off.
Some of the people who used to believe I was someone else were able to set that aside, and they actually know me now, for the first time ever. And now that I’m more free to express myself, I’ve made some rad new friends who see me as me, without the baggage of the invented woman I never was.
That’s nice. Really nice. I’m still trying to register just how nice it is. I’m not used to it. My feelings are taking their time catching up to what I understand to be true about my situation. Apparently my processor is at capacity. All things considered, I can’t say I’m surprised.
I’ve put a lot of work into this site in the last year, not for any monetization purposes, not to build any sort of platform—just for the reasons I described earlier.
Now that I finally am starting to see the fruits of my labor, I’m realizing just how much I need a break.
I’m tired of talking about gender.
There’s a lot that well-meaning folks still don’t understand about how they treat me in degrading ways because of unconscious biases. But it’s so much better than it was, I have more real support than I’ve ever had, and I’m also a lot tougher than I used to be.
So I’m going to be stepping back from adding new content to this site for awhile, and focus more attention on other things. I have a lot of passion projects, and this one is no longer at the top of the list for the time being.
I may revise or retire some of the articles on here, but the ones that I think are helpful for a broader audience will stay.
I also will probably still share an awkward story about my weird life experiences as an agender person from time to time on social media. My life being what it is, strange things are going to keep happening to me, and I’ll probably talk about them.
On the blogging side, I have no idea how long of a break I’ll be taking. But in the meantime, enjoy the content that’s on here, and feel free to leave me a comment. I’ll still be monitoring those on my break. I might upgrade the design here and there, too, because I definitely threw this site together with some haphazard existential urgency. It’s legible and navigable, but I am not impressed with it. 😉
Thanks for reading, and for being willing to learn from me. I learn from you, too.