CategoryGender

I got top surgery

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You saw the title: I got top surgery. You may know it more formally as a double mastectomy; less formally as the teet yeet.* Getting this surgery was an accomplishment that tested me as a person more than any skill or achievement I’ve ever bragged about on a resumé (and I have a pretty sweet resumé). If I’m supposed to be proud of something as dumb as my typing speed, I can be proud of this. I...

The Bible on being trans & misuse of power

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Since I came out as agender, I haven’t talked much about my faith. It’s not because I’m ashamed that I’m going against my beliefs, which some assume. I am living in deep alignment with my beliefs. It’s because, in most contexts in which faith has come up, it’s essentially cisgender people demanding that I defend my existence (“lifestyle choices” as they might put it) against their impenetrable...

Recommended reads for trans allies

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I’ve written a lot of articles on this site for transgender allies—from a lexicon of transgender terms to a coming out letter to an explanation of why I pretended to be a woman. But there are brilliant trans writers elsewhere who have powerful stories and perspectives. Many of them have already written about concepts I haven’t gotten around to writing about—and cover important topics...

Is it a phase? Or is it the real you?

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It wasn’t until age 30 that I finally came out as agender.  It’s not that I didn’t realize I had no sense of gender before. I was painfully aware for just about every waking second. But I kept it to myself. Partially, because I’d been taught it was just a phase. Being cisgender was the only thing I was told was possible. So I kept holding out. I was trapped in this limbo—pretending to be a woman...

“Are you a girl?” A story about labels

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A lot of people tell me that it’s confusing for kids to learn about different labels for gender outside of just “boy” and “girl.” But I strongly disagree.  As a former nonbinary kid who only knew of the labels “boy” and “girl,” the limitation was what was confused me. If I had known about the label “agender,” I wouldn’t have been confused at all. I would have immediately recognized that it...

The art of retroactively raising yourself

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There’s this trope in movies and shows where psychologists tell their clients to connect with their inner child. Often it’s presented as parody—almost playing off the concept of therapy as wishy-washy new-age BS. I’m in favor of a healthy dose of skepticism, and I do think people often hide mountains of bullsh*t behind aphorisms designed to make them sound profound. I used to think of the “inner...

7 reasons I pretended to be a woman

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I spent the greater part of the first three decades of my life passing myself off as a woman. I was an imposter the whole time. And the whole time, it made me miserable. (If this is the first article of mine you’re reading, I’m agender.) So why did I do it? Here are seven big reasons. 1. I thought it was my only choice In childhood, I learned that people were going to lump me in with...

What’s it like to go through a gender transition?

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For my entire conscious life, I’ve been trying to figure out how to engage with people and society in a way that actually felt real. About two or three years ago, I finally recognized that the disconnect and discomfort I’d always felt was gender dysphoria. So I began a gender transition. (I’m agender.) I’m not going to explain in this post what a gender transition entails. Some people pursue...

Keep your questions inside the church

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I woke up this morning with the following memory in my head. I was 21 years old. And I’d posted a question to Facebook: What do you think: should women be allowed to teach men? Or should they just be allowed to teach kids and other women? I posted it because it was taught in my church that women were under the authority of men. This meant (among other things) that women couldn’t teach men or...

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