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DECONFORMING

Just a genderless person trying to be myself in a gendered society

Recent articles

Why are we confusing kids with gender labels?

Why are we confusing kids with gender labels?

A lot of people tell me that it’s confusing for kids to learn about different labels for gender outside of just “boy” and “girl.”  I agree that gender labels are confusing kids, but not in the way that many adults think. When I was born, I was given a label that...

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7 reasons I pretended to be a woman

7 reasons I pretended to be a woman

For the first three decades of my life, everyone who knew me thought I was a woman. I never was. I'm agender. But I didn't correct their misunderstandings until I was 30 years old. The whole time, being treated like I was a woman made me miserable. So why did I let...

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I’m just doing what it takes to be me

I’m just doing what it takes to be me

When I first learned the word “agender,” I immediately recognized myself in it. I never expected to find a word for my experience—I just figured I was different in a way that nobody could perceive or understand, so it would never really count. I just needed to be a...

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What does “deadname” mean?

What does “deadname” mean?

Deadname is a word used in the transgender community to reference the given name that a trans person has rejected, because it misrepresented their gender. This is in contrast to a person's chosen name, which is the name they selected to more accurately reflect who...

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The mind-bending weirdness of social dysphoria

The mind-bending weirdness of social dysphoria

There’s this experience I'm all too familiar with that goes by the jargony name "social dysphoria." It happens when people treat you according to a role—and that role is in conflict with who you are. (It's part of the experience of gender dysphoria, which can also be...

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Are you transgender? If you are, it’s OK

Are you transgender? If you are, it’s OK

More and more people are coming out as transgender these days. Transgender is a word that means that who you are doesn't line up with the gender that was assigned to you. It's pretty common to hear cisgender folks (especially if they're older or conservative) calling...

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