DECONFORMING
Just a genderless person trying to be myself in a gendered society
Recent articles
![Who even am I?](/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/who-are-you-1080x675.jpeg)
Who even am I?
I started this site almost two years ago. So much has changed since then. I’m not even going to bother mentioning what. What matters is, “here” is a different place than it was two years ago. And I am a different person. Back when I was writing before, I did a lot of...
![I’m taking a break.](/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/Taking-a-break-1080x675.png)
I’m taking a break.
Hi.About a week from now is the one-year anniversary of this site. Happy birthday, site. I didn't bake you a cake. Maybe I should. You've been through a lot this first year of your life. In the past year, this site has been visited by ~18,000 people. 18,000 people...
![Are new gender labels just silly fads?](/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/Gender-labels-1080x675.png)
Are new gender labels just silly fads?
There are loads of labels for gender identity, and more keep emerging. Each label provides a way of grouping people by some sort of shared attribute. Some people are really into labels, and how they provide conceptual "bins" to sort ideas into. Others aren't fans of...
![Why are we confusing kids with gender labels?](/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/Gender-labels-confusing-kids-1080x675.png)
Why are we confusing kids with gender labels?
A lot of people tell me that it’s confusing for kids to learn about different labels for gender outside of just “boy” and “girl.” I agree that gender labels are confusing kids, but not in the way that many adults think. When I was born, I was given a label that...
![The tricky process of figuring out I was transgender](/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/figure-out-i-was-transgender-1080x675.png)
The tricky process of figuring out I was transgender
It took me a long time to figure out that I was transgender and admit it was true. But why did it take me so long? When you’re trans, you should just know, right? Well, kind of. It’s complicated. I did know—but I didn’t know how to interpret what I knew. I'll do...
![7 reasons I pretended to be a woman](/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/pretend-to-be-a-woman-1080x675.png)
7 reasons I pretended to be a woman
For the first three decades of my life, everyone who knew me thought I was a woman. I never was. I'm agender. But I didn't correct their misunderstandings until I was 30 years old. The whole time, being treated like I was a woman made me miserable. So why did I let...
![I’m just doing what it takes to be me](/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/what-it-takes-1080x675.jpg)
I’m just doing what it takes to be me
When I first learned the word “agender,” I immediately recognized myself in it. I never expected to find a word for my experience—I just figured I was different in a way that nobody could perceive or understand, so it would never really count. I just needed to be a...
![What does “deadname” mean?](/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/what-does-deadnaming-mean-1080x675.jpg)
What does “deadname” mean?
Deadname is a word used in the transgender community to reference the given name that a trans person has rejected, because it misrepresented their gender. This is in contrast to a person's chosen name, which is the name they selected to more accurately reflect who...
![The mind-bending weirdness of social dysphoria](/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/social-dysphoria-1080x675.jpg)
The mind-bending weirdness of social dysphoria
There’s this experience I'm all too familiar with that goes by the jargony name "social dysphoria." It happens when people treat you according to a role—and that role is in conflict with who you are. (It's part of the experience of gender dysphoria, which can also be...
![Why do people see me as either a man or a woman?](/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/Man-vs-woman-agender-1080x675.png)
Why do people see me as either a man or a woman?
As an agender person, I don’t know what having gender feels like. The only real experience I have with gender is that almost everyone I've met takes for granted that all people are one of two genders, including me. This has improved a lot in the last year or so since...