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DECONFORMING

Just a genderless person trying to be myself in a gendered society

Recent articles

Who even am I?

Who even am I?

I started this site almost two years ago. So much has changed since then. I’m not even going to bother mentioning what. What matters is, “here” is a different place than it was two years ago. And I am a different person. Back when I was writing before, I did a lot of...

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I’m taking a break.

I’m taking a break.

Hi.About a week from now is the one-year anniversary of this site. Happy birthday, site. I didn't bake you a cake. Maybe I should. You've been through a lot this first year of your life. In the past year, this site has been visited by ~18,000 people. 18,000 people...

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Are new gender labels just silly fads?

Are new gender labels just silly fads?

There are loads of labels for gender identity, and more keep emerging. Each label provides a way of grouping people by some sort of shared attribute. Some people are really into labels, and how they provide conceptual "bins" to sort ideas into. Others aren't fans of...

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Why are we confusing kids with gender labels?

Why are we confusing kids with gender labels?

A lot of people tell me that it’s confusing for kids to learn about different labels for gender outside of just “boy” and “girl.”  I agree that gender labels are confusing kids, but not in the way that many adults think. When I was born, I was given a label that...

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7 reasons I pretended to be a woman

7 reasons I pretended to be a woman

For the first three decades of my life, everyone who knew me thought I was a woman. I never was. I'm agender. But I didn't correct their misunderstandings until I was 30 years old. The whole time, being treated like I was a woman made me miserable. So why did I let...

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I’m just doing what it takes to be me

I’m just doing what it takes to be me

When I first learned the word “agender,” I immediately recognized myself in it. I never expected to find a word for my experience—I just figured I was different in a way that nobody could perceive or understand, so it would never really count. I just needed to be a...

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What does “deadname” mean?

What does “deadname” mean?

Deadname is a word used in the transgender community to reference the given name that a trans person has rejected, because it misrepresented their gender. This is in contrast to a person's chosen name, which is the name they selected to more accurately reflect who...

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The mind-bending weirdness of social dysphoria

The mind-bending weirdness of social dysphoria

There’s this experience I'm all too familiar with that goes by the jargony name "social dysphoria." It happens when people treat you according to a role—and that role is in conflict with who you are. (It's part of the experience of gender dysphoria, which can also be...

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