I started this site at the beginning of 2019 to talk about a specific thing. I was raised as though I was a girl in a small conservative evangelical community … but I’m not a girl, and I never have been.
The word for what I am, which is so under-recognized in our current social framework that it still gets a red squiggly line under it when I type it, is agender.
I named this site “deconforming,” because, needless to say, I’ve experienced a lot of pressure to conform to very constricting norms in my life, and I don’t think that’s right. I’m on a journey to shake off all the conforming I’ve been forced into so I can live as my real self.
In the process, I hope to empower as many others as I can to do the same.
A powerful tool I’ve found for shaking off conformity is expanding the language we use to talk about identity. Language is a big part of perception. If we don’t have a word for something, we can’t talk about it. If we can’t talk about it, we can’t exchange thoughts about it. That’s a huge limitation to our ability to share knowledge and understanding.
A lot of what I cover on this site involves unpacking new language that describes concepts that have been around for a long time, but that our culture is largely oblivious to. By taking part in this, we bring more shared understanding to light, and we become more able to perceive each other and have compassion for each other.
There’s always more to understand, so I’m constantly updating definition posts. If you come across a concept you’d like me to write an article on, you can request one.
It’s OK if these concepts feel foreign or scary to you. It can be disorienting to learn that we have less of the full picture than we thought. But if you have the stomach to look that fact in the eye and do something about it, you’re the kind of person who can change society for the better.
A few other facts about me: