I started this site almost two years ago. So much has changed since then. I’m not even going to bother mentioning what. What matters is, “here” is a different place than it was two years ago. And I am a different person.
Back when I was writing before, I did a lot of explaining, because that’s what I felt like I had to do. It burned me out.
I know why I felt that way, and I could explain the factors involved, but these days I’m not so into explaining. I’m more into just being real, and letting that be enough. Because it is enough.
Regardless of how much I explain anything, I’ve learned that the people who want to understand will come to understand. And the people who don’t, won’t.
Tonight, after a long time of being burned out on writing, I felt like writing a post again.
This post is different from the kind of post I used to write on this site. But like a lot of the old posts, it’s a post about who I am (which is much different than who I was … but also the same).
Before I tell you who I am, let me first ask you a question.
Who are you?
No, seriously, who even are you?
It’s a daunting question if you really get into it.
Are you defined by your kids, or your romantic relationships? Does what you wear create your identity? How about your job, or your hobbies? Are you your body, your age, your physical health?
What about your religion, or your political beliefs?
What’s left if you take all those things away?
Are you anything?
If you’re going to understand who I am, you have to understand who you are. Because who I am isn’t any of those things—and maybe who you are isn’t either.
Have you asked yourself all those questions? What did you find behind them?
Maybe you found an idea.
Maybe that idea goes like this:
“I am the main character in whatever story I’m telling myself about what’s going on at any given time.”
OK, smartypants. That’s pretty good.
But here’s another question:
Who is telling that story? And are you the person in that story, or are you the storyteller?
How much of the story did you make up, and how much of it has been written for you by tradition, your upbringing, your education, the media you consume? How much of the person in that story did you define, and how much were they defined for you?
How much are you defining them right now? Are you the way you are because you made a decision to be that way? Do you think what you think because you actively chose to think it?
Chances are, probably not. And until you inventory everything you think and actively decide whether you want to think something else, somebody else is writing your story for you.
And even setting that aside, if you’re still focused on who the main character is in the story and what they think, you’re still missing the big picture.
Let’s say you’ve realized that you’re telling a story with your life, and you recognize that every action you take and thought you think is like a word on a page that you are writing. You’re not just in the story. You’re the author. But who is that person?
Why are they writing it, and why does this story matter to them?
What else are they doing?
And even beyond that, what story are they in? And who’s writing that? Where did they get their values and ideas from?
The layers could keep going. I could keep going with them, but I’ve been asking you a bunch of questions, and I told you I was going to tell you who I am.
So let’s get to it.
Here’s what you need to know about who I am.
I’m the person writing this post.